Fear of co-creating your own life experience.
I just want to be free! I just want to have my own life experience! I just want to be who I am!
Sounds familiar? I have been playing those tapes in my head over and over again, yet, after years of repeating it to myself, I still find myself feeling restricted to just be myself.
If there hasn’t been some restricting life circumstance, there has been a controlling lover. At times I was simply not the right gender for what I wished to accomplish, at other times I had not been in the right country, I didn’t have enough time, I didn’t have the motivation, or I didn’t have enough money to accomplish what I wanted and express myself the true way I am.
Years went by, circumstances changed, I changed, yet central to all of that, my desire to be who I truly am stayed.
In life we have this thing called free will. We have the opportunity to have a bunch of options and choose from it, right? Well, no, not quite like that. Deep to our so called “free will,” is our unconscious conditioning. You may think you choose from your own free will, but how is it that the choices you make from your free will lead you into circumstances you do not wish to be in?
So, even though consciously I really wish to choose a life of free expression of who I am, the unconscious part of my brain have been running thoughts which created the feelings that made me choose limiting life situations.
I noticed this unconscious patterning is based on fear. Understanding the full extend of my desire to not be restricted suddenly felt like a big responsibility and a scary place.
Marianne Williamson says: ““Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Ask yourself the question. Would you rather have anyone else’s life experience but your own? Are you sure? Are you 100%, perfectly happy with your life?
If you find any resistance to any part of this this question, as I did, become aware of the sensation in your body. You will usually observe it within the your body’s trunk. Start a dialogue and even become the sensation in your body to get an authentic response. Then, ask yourself (as the body sensation) what it is you need. In my case I became a blade with a programmed message of “you don’t deserve.” It asked to be taken out, and put in the sun to soak up goodness, after which it had the desire to inform the person who put it there that it has fulfilled its time of being there.
Using my imagination, I fulfilled all the desires of the blade. My body felt warm at the area involved.
Perhaps I am one step closer to co-creating with my unconscious. I hope you too. Have fun with it! I did …
and feel free to make contact with me to receive more guidance and resources on the dialoguing process.