Sexual wellness has become a hot topic and even your reserved Instagram friend openly expresses about advanced forms of orgasm, while you are still struggling to just manage the big “O” in its most basic form.
You simply would like to experience it with your beloved, but something is not quite working as well as you’d like for it to. Other times you’ve experienced it was during self-pleasuring (masturbation,) or with that amazing lover, you had in the past, who turned out to be a seductive, unreliable, sociopathic player, who nearly ruined your life.
What you really want is to experience the big “O”, in your new, stable, albeit less exciting relationship. You know you can do it, you’ve done it before, but it’s like all a little too real. It feels like a task or an accomplishment you have to achieve to give you peace of mind about your relationship status. The pressure is really on.
You wish your lover was better skilled, you wish he would just do one thing a little longer, or move just a little faster or slower, or just be more present. You catch yourself analyzing his every movement, so you stop.
Before long, the mental chatter turns on you. You decide that the problem is you. You must be sexually blocked, all that sexual trauma from the past and the closed-minded upbringing about sex you endured is ruining your sex life.
When finally you dare to look at your beloved to see if he experiences any of the same, he proudly reaches climax, to your surprise. Not yet out of mental processing mode, you’ve missed the whole experience and your mind immediately turns to blame for your partner’s lack of endurance. Is viagra going to be the next solution?
Sounds familiar? You may be experiencing an all-too-common, roadblock to orgasm. Don’t worry. Having an open-minded approach to this slight hurdle will have you back on track with bountiful confidence in the bedroom, which will spill over into every aspect of your life.
So here are 3 roadblocks and how to overcome them.
- You’re trying too hard.
Putting too much pressure on yourself to achieve an orgasm can only be experienced in one part of your body, and that is your head. You’ve probably already heard that you are supposed to be feeling rather than thinking and that didn’t work.
Most over-thinkers find it difficult to switch from thinking to feeling, where the real magic lies, so here is a middle way:
Use your imagination. Visualize, fantasize, create your dream scene and focus intently on it while your body follows its innate wisdom. At first, it may feel inauthentic, like you are cheating, but as you warm up to the sensations of enjoyment, I can ensure you that the guilt will drop away with ease.
- You’re not participating.
If you are a pre-millennial, much of what you learned about sex growing up, wasn’t actually taught. As much as you think of yourself to be an empowered, liberated woman, deep down you still believe that you should be pursued, that your partner should know what to do, and that “asking for it” is shameful.
So here is how to “ask for it” in the most subtle, yet powerful way. If you find yourself lying motionless, while your beloved is in action all by himself, try the following:
A.) Start breathing a little louder. Allow an audible sound to escape.
B.) Move your hips back and forth, at exactly the same rate as your breathing.
C.) Apply a pelvic squeeze on each in-breath.
- You’re not sensitized.
Not being aroused enough can be the result of psychological interference or trauma, however, most of the time, it simply stems from lack of clitoral stimulation. 75% of women do not reach orgasm through penetrative intercourse alone. The trick is really to extend foreplay and clitoral stimulation for as long as possible and then a little more, before intercourse.
In a hurry? With the help of sexual enhancement toys, such as vibrators, you’re bound to reach the big O, within the 11-minute timeframe.
It is true that we are all unique individuals with bountiful creativity that expresses in the most distinctive ways. It is also true that most of our bodies work in very similar ways and can be trusted to respond to stimuli in a predicted manner. Trust your body to know what to do. It will guide you if you let it.