On Mettā-day, the purpose of this whole technique is taught, or this is how I feel about it at least. For 9 days we’d been deprogramming ourselves to have a clear mind by day 10. This is important, because whatever thoughts, wishes and desires are there with you on this day, is likely to be with you for much longer than you may anticipate.
For the 10-day duration of the course, all meals are prepared and served very punctually for the participants. Generally the food tastes amazing and is very nutritious. Some days I’d sit and dream about too cooking for large group of people. What an honor I thought it must be to feed and nourish many. How rewarding it must be to provide deep care, deep nurturing and to ad an element of unexpected value to the life of another, I thought.
Occasionally during the course a quiet, but interesting looking person would enter the meditation hall to meditate with us. Sometimes I used to see him pass by my hut to the property next door. He must be working there, involved with the operations of the center. Should I try and speak with him after the course? He must be interesting to speak with.
I never did speak to the mysterious wonderer, but I received a phone call from him about a month or two after my course, to know if I’d be available to help out during the next course. I said yes. I arrived, I was put in the kitchen. We were only a few, so we all learnt at a steep learning curve. By Mettā-day, day 10, finally we’d have a handle on things and could enjoy the calmness that came with this day.
Walking to throw out the compost just before 6 am one Mettā-day morning, I watched the full moon hanging close to the earth. I had never felt so much contentment, fulfillment, purpose and belonging in my life and so I looked at the moon feeling at one with her, as if she’s just an extension of me not very far away and I said: “I want to come back.”
I had not yet learnt the manifesting power of these Mettā Days. The next month I was back in the kitchen, and also the month thereafter.
When an older student asked me if I wouldn’t like to come help out at the center long term I said: “I’d love to, but……. there is life”
Have you ever heard the saying that anything before the “but” in a sentence makes it redundant? Well this was the opposite. My heart confessed its truth before the “but”and only the truth was heard. Before I knew it I was back in the kitchen, this time to stay for an extended period of time.
However, there was only one problem… I was in strong resistance to the teacher S.N. Goenka. His voice bugged me, his way of speaking bugged me, and he seemed way to overpowering to my liking. I’d hear people talk about him as a big teddy bear, but I got none of that.
On my first night of a being long-term server, I sat on my bed, not quite sure what to do with this lack of regard for the main teacher of the technique. Of course he lived in India, it was not like I was going to run into him at any time, but it didn’t feel right being at the property without admiration for the person who created the very opportunity. That night I had a dream. S. N. Goenka was in it. He sat on my bed, simply looking at me. His eyes were as shiny as they appear on all his photos in the books, only much, much more, like beams of light it looked straight into mine. I woke up the next morning with nothing but love for him, and that stayed.
Tag: soul journey
My biggest spiritual realization.
We all can be a little hard on ourselves. How often do we think that we should have figured this or that out by now, or that surely we should have been more successful here or there, had we just made better choices.
Don’t we all wonder at times whether we should be doing more, or whether we should back off, and this evaluation process we become just a little frustrated with ourselves and the level of progress?Ok, maybe not all of us deal with these internal judgements, but I am pretty sure that a large number of us do.
After being dedicated to spiritual pursuits for so many years, and still not “having it figured out“, the spiritual ego can start chipping away at our self-confidence for not having maintained a certain level of happiness, for making bad choices, causing emotional dips or for misaligning our thoughts, resulting in feeling depressed at times.
This actually has nothing to do with the spiritual ego, because a person dedicating so many years to business pursuits and still doesn’t have that successful business to show has the very same internal voice, so does the artist who keeps on creating and still is unseen and misunderstood.
Now you may say that we all know that happiness lies inside and that spirituality has to do with finding happiness inside while continuing with what you are doing. The business enthusiast simply has to focus his attention on feeling good inside and trusting that the universe will provide. This is spirituality, this is the true practice and then his business will flourish, not that it would matter, because he would have found happiness.
You may say that the artist’s focus should be on the fulfillment he gets from the actual creating, not from the recognition he gets. This would be his practice and the enjoyment of his work will reach the public through the vibration he project, and the by-product of his enjoyment would be recognition and resonance.
What is the obvious answer in the pursuit of spiritual fulfillment?
Be happy and you won’t go through emotional dips anymore? I have heard this taught. I have seen rooms full of elated spiritual seekers forcing bliss upon themselves making inner promises to be in bliss from now on always. When your elated, you project good energy to the world and the world will meet you back with good energy. Which is true.
However, often what happens is, we’re not able to maintain an elated state of mind. We feel like we’ve failed. Our confidence gets crushed a little, we maintain a happy face for the sake of it and the gap between what we feel and what we show increases.
Spirituality is NOT about being happy all the time. In fact being happy is the by-product of living according to spiritual values, it is not the goal or the practice. Being fulfilled is what happens naturally when we live in accordance to the higher truth that we are not our experience, we are not our thoughts, we are not our mind.
Anything can happen to anyone. Your circumstance may be shit or it may be great. Yet you are not your circumstance, you are not your experience. You are not your mind, even if you have a mind that likes to create wonderful things. You are an infinite being, not as some new agey concept, but in actuality.
Thus approach every part of your experience with NO judgment, and with a deeper knowing that you are perfectly where you’re supposed to on all levels, to be met at a place where you can most effectively overcome your sense of separation and create a greater sense of love and connection.
Whatever difficulty you experience, there is no judgment. You have not failed at being a spiritually enlightened being. It is impossible to fail at, because each experience is only there to facilitate your understanding that you are not your experience. Your experiences will persist until you come to true understanding of the nature of it.
With this knowing there is a deeper sense of happiness that doesn’t necessary look like a happy face all the time, but that feels so calm and peaceful to be around with.
Be really accepting. Be really patient. Be really compassionate towards your every experience as it passes and take that break to feel true peace and love and harmony before again following your mind to the next experience it wishes to create.
xo