The clitoris is the only organ in the body with no other purpose than pleasure.

The following statement is often found in magazines, social media statements and advocated even by medical professionals and sexologists:

“The clitoris is a female sex organ with more than 8000 nerve endings, with the sole purpose of pleasure. “

Feminists sure love to share this information, claiming victory over their rivals. However, in this article I will explain why the latter part of this statement is not only false, but also damaging to you as a woman and potentially harmful to society at large. 

Out in the Safari Bush of Natal, I am aware that nature is not wasteful. Every part of it fits almost miraculously into another, so much so that even what us humans interpret as bad, shameful or sorry, is a colossal celebration by another part of its composition.

So I think to myself, if nature created “pleasure,” what would that specific purpose be for?

The anatomy and physiology of pleasure: 

The clitoris is a wishbone-shaped organ. The glans at the top forms the external, pea-shaped structure, covered by a fold of skin, called the hood.  The body of the clitoris splits into two legs, attached to vestibular bulbs, both containing erectile tissue which swells during arousal. In a sense, the clitoris can be thought of as a small penis, divided in half. The swelling of the crura (two legs) and vestibular bulbs increase lubrication of the vaginal canal, allowing for timely, safe penetration.

In 2005 Australian urologist Helen O’Connell introduced the anatomy of the clitoris, gathered from the micro-dissection of cadavers, to the public. We trust her work to be valid and true. As far our simplified physiology explanation, we believe that it is a perfectly safe experiment to try at home and validate.

Typically, in an unaroused state and in the absence of an engorged clitoris, the labia are slightly pressed together, forming a protective cover over the vaginal opening. Without sufficient lubrication to the vaginal wall, penetration can cause tearing, inflammation and irritation, while also destroying natural bacteria. Not only does such “dry sex” damage the epithelium (skin cells) of the vagina it increases the likelihood of infection with sexually transmitted infections, including HIV and Herpes.

Penetration without sufficient arousal is simply not safe! 

If this alone doesn’t convince you how important the role of the clitoris is during arousal and during intercourse, please read on.

Wikipedia describes rape as sexual penetration carried out without consent and with physical force. If we as society is against rape, how can we advocate that sexual penetration without clitoral stimulation is acceptable? If “the only” purpose of the clitoris is considered to be pleasure, then we are indeed saying that forceful entry at a physical level is acceptable. Sexual penetration without preparation, does require force.

Yes, I am indeed saying that by advocating pleasure as the only purpose of the clitoris, we are making clitoral stimulation an OPTIONAL part of intercourse, thus advocating the acceptability of forceful entry.

If you are a true feminist, or simply care about he women in your life, please STOP being amused by popular “fact.” Start questioning where these beliefs come from, who wrote the text books teaching them and what motivated them to do so. Why replace your personal needs by popular opinion, presented as fact?

You deserve to know better. Your lover deserves to know better. Clitoral stimulation is an absolutely necessary and natural part of physical intimacy. It is not optional, nature designed every part of us with purpose. The clitoris has a highly important purpose in the act of procreation, love-making and intimacy. 

I am a certified holistic sex educator and educating, empowering and inspiring our intimate partners, is something I am passionate about. Join me by empowering yourself with knowledge and get your deepest needs met. 

5 Steps to Sensual Confidence

What are the benefits of being able to express your sensuality? 

Being able to free express your sensual nature can have real positive results in literally every aspect of your life; like having better communication skills, having more charisma, attractiveness and even an improved ability to manifest your intentions. 

Expressing your sensual nature, does not mean that you are changing your personality to be that of a promiscuous enchantress or a suave smooth-talker, flirtatiously sailing through everyday. It does however mean that you are comfortable in your own skin.  It means that you give and receive affection comfortably and you can fulfill your desires, free from guilt, shame and fear. 

Most of us are somewhat confused when it comes to our own sensuality, as just showing too much overt sexual interest, may have caused embarrassment in the past, perhaps even misunderstanding, or mistrust in a treasured relationship.

It is therefor quite understandable, how our subconscious mind would want to close ourselves off to free, unobstructed sensual expression and label it as something dangerous, unpredictable or unsafe. Yet there comes a time where every individual decides that enough is enough and their inner being urges them to test the water of their own ocean of expression.

Are you ready to express yourself in a way that is inviting to others, in a way that gives you confidence and magnetism?

Remember, sensual liberation has a very subjective meaning to every individual. To some it means being able to share their erotic fantasies or exploring intimacy with a greater range of people. To another it may mean holding hands in public or simply wearing a bathing suit out. 

So, your goals may differ from your friend’s and comparing yourself with them, may not be helpful. If you are unsure about exactly which goals to set for yourself, it is always helpful to work with a professional coach or therapist. 

So here are some suggested steps to follow:

  1. Identify your safe space. A really good place to start is a dance or yoga class, although many people choose to be safely at home. Every lesson life has taught you on where to close your authentic expression off, has also given you a parameter for exactly which circumstances you find safe, acceptable and agreeable to practice free unobstructed expression in, so that you can now become comfortable with the idea of being a sensual being. 
  1. Choose your method. Dance, Breathe or Shake!  How do you want to connect with your body in a way that feels good to you? Learn to SLOW DOWN your movements. This is the secret in creating confidence and charisma.
  1. Enjoy! Changing your beliefs about what sensuality feels like will come through enjoying the action that you choose. Own the enjoyment, make it yours. Releasing negative connotation to dancing sensually in front of the mirror, or to speak slow and sensually will take time. Don’t let the awkwardness at first put you off.
  1. Share your sensual expression with the world. This is the big step, which will differ for everyone. Wear your bikini at a hotel pool and reject each thought of judgment about it. Try a conversation while slowing your normal speaking pace down, dance at a party with your eyes closed, just for yourself.

I look forward to seeing your confidence radiating from afar.