What is Religious Trauma Syndrome and how can I use my sensuality to overcome it.

Religious Trauma Syndrome (CTS) occurs when an individual struggles with involvement with a religion or a set of beliefs that have led to their indoctrination. It involves the trauma of breaking away from a religious community, once thought of as an only, or right way of living. Living in such a community can be exhilarating at first, with a high level of support and sense of purpose, which lasts for only as long as a person is part of the community and subscribes to their beliefs. 

When doubting the beliefs of the religion, leader, or community, a person can be overcome with a sense of shame and confusion. Everything they thought of to be good and right, is suddenly under question and can lead to a profound sense of cognitive dissonance over what really is true and what not. 

This black and white way of experiencing life lacks the world of color and nuanced intricacies of what is available for us to experience. Being either right or wrong, validated or invalidated, worthy of life or not becomes an unsolvable puzzle, unless filled in with tinctures and flavors of variation to form a picture of which the blacks and the whites are only fine outlines of events, time periods, or characters. 

It is important to learn the skills of coloring in one’s life in order to find and create meaning and purpose. Without that, the dangers exist, that an escapee jumps into the next shiny situation, which leads to mismatched values and unhappiness. This is true for anyone who has suffered trauma and had to temporarily abandon their inner self, to get through the external circumstance.

CTS can be similar to the results of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD,) which is the trauma resulting from personal relationships with low/non-conscience  individuals, commonly referred to as narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. 

In the movie “Holy Hell, the followers of the Buddhafield religious movement commented that the feeling of comradery and community was so strong during their time there, that it was easy to turn a blind eye to what they inherently knew wasn’t right. This statement indicates the strong need we humans have for a sense of connection and belonging. Leaving a life of familiarity behind for that of uncertainty takes a lot of courage. I would argue to say that the mere exhaustion that follows such an act, can easily be the hook for a follow-up episode of different kinds of indoctrination or codependency. 

In the Netflix series “My Unorthodox Life,” Julia Haart shows what can go right, when a person successfully breaks away from a life that limits one’s personal development and the right to make individual decisions based on self-reflection and intuition.

For many others though, religious indoctrination has not taken such an extreme form. For many the struggle lies in recovering from these kinds of inharmonious beliefs, whilst in the midst of family and friends, who still live by it. 

It doesn’t really matter how we look at the topic of RTS, it is clear the the results lead to a feeling of loneliness, being misunderstood or misplaced, feeling a lack of belonging, and lack of identity, which further leads to issues of self-worth, difficulty in decision-making, and often anxiety, depression, sexual dysfunction and so much more. 

Quite understandable, RTS makes it difficult for a person to trust, as the lenses of guilt, shame and fear follows their trail, directly from the belief-structures these individuals are trying to let go of. Inability to trust, inevitably leads to relationship difficulty and a potentially victimised relationship with personal resources. 

Nan Wise outlines in her book, “Why Good Sex Matters,” what is called The Pleasure System. The Pleasure system is one of seven systems representing our most basic emotional needs. Without all seven of those emotional needs met, a person will struggle in one area or the other, although any imbalance will show up in your sexual expression, but more on that in another article.

In my understanding, the pleasure system is connected to the Sacral Chakra, which is the leading center of sensuality. It is the center where you explore different tastes and textures and develop an “appetite for life.” 

What is sensuality? 

Sensuality is the ability to guide through your body’s senses, rather than your mind. It holds the ability for enjoyment, and prioritizing enjoyment. A deeper sensuality can differentiate between subtle feelings or stress, dissonance and the feelings of true harmony and safety. Sensuality is guided by a felt sense, and thus keeps one connected and true to the experience of oneself, as opposed to promises, ideas or beliefs of another. 

So here are a few ways that you can use your sensuality to overcome RTS, or related issues:

  • Change your beliefs

Beliefs are formed when there is a strong emotional response, together with a command and/or consequences – real or perceived, positive or negative. A strong emotional response happens when all of your senses are involved. Thus changing your beliefs will require that you feel and experience new wholesome beliefs with your whole body and senses. Let your new beliefs feel good, true to you and give you a feeling of openness all through your body.

  • Know your values

How do you know what is important to you? You feel it! Without the guidance of an outside force telling what is right or wrong, good or bad, important or not important, it becomes your feelings’ job to discern your choices. The thing is, only once you’ve experienced what makes you feel good, through your sensual nature you are able to discern that which doesn’t. Practice feeling good without outside provocation. A good way to do this is to say no to something. If you feel relieved, albeit secretly, then you know it’s not your thing. If you feel really disappointed, then you may be on to something. 

Through knowing your values, you regain your sense of self-identity and pride. 

  • Actively do things that make you feel good!

Yup, it’s not enough to just know what is important to you. Taking the steps to prioritize those things is once again another courageous gesture. Here’s the thing… when your desires are clear, boundaries become a by-product. That means, that the more you assert who you are, the easier it becomes to distance yourself from that which you are not. 

If all of this work sounds intriguing to you. Feel free to reach out to discuss how I can help you on your journey. My recommendation is the Find Your Mantra coaching session. You may further benefit from a Chakra Reading or Holistic Healing session. 

I am Amanda, a Holistic Healer, who also became a certified sex educator, in order to open the conversation where it matters most.

Watch my free video on sexuality coaching for introverts here: amandametta.com/join 

Much Love

How does Metaphysical Healing help me have better intimacy?

What is Metaphysical Healing?

“Metaphysics” is roughly translated as “beyond,” or “behind” the physical, implying that the physical reality we experience as tangible and visible is not all that exists. 

We know that our reality is made up of so many levels that are interconnected to make up a whole existence of connected, yet seemingly separate parts.

You as a separate individual, would not exist without at least two other people coming together to create you. The environment you grew up in, influenced who you’ve become. The food you ate, the thoughts you’ve thought the beliefs you’ve acquired have all become part of who you are.

If we ask what the original element was that brought you into existence, we can draw this explanation out to go all the way to the origin of life. I think it is suffice to say that there is more to our existence than meets the eye and metaphysics acknowledges this.

Metaphysical healing aims at acknowledging the origin of a limitation, at its core, or as close to the core as is meaningful for us as individuals. In this way we can remove blocks, limitations and hindrances to our authentic sexual expression, if authentic sexual expression is our goal.

So what could these hindrances be? Let’s look at an example:

You could be madly in love and turned on by someone, yet every time they show closeness to you, you joke around, make a negative comment about yourself, or kill the vibe in another way. 

In one short moment you went from nearly sharing the high energy of sexual exhilaration you were so enthusiastically excited by, to being flat and platonic. 

Why on earth would a person do that?

You may be doing this because there is an underlying fear of closeness. 

If you are the person in this example, at some stage or another, your inner wisdom protected you from closeness, because it was dangerous, unpleasant or harmful in some way. Many situations could grant such reactions, for example, a single parent’s authoritative new partner, who threatened to leave you behind, in competition for your parent’s attention. 

Perhaps your high level of energy was overwhelming for your parents, who scolded you for it, thus you learnt to never get too close to the people you love. 

At a deeper level of your brain, at the midbrain level, a core belief may have formed, that closeness is unsafe, that in order to be loved, housed, fed, be part of a family or to be alive, you have to prevent closeness to the people closest to you. 

That deep part of your brain is what is responsible for bypassing your critical thinking and keep you alive in times where thinking may take too long and guess what, any area of our lives where sexual expression gets involved, are translated as such. You are bound to operate from those reactive parts of you mind, rather than the rational thinking mind … and thank the heavens for that!

You wouldn’t want to have sexual intimacy as if you are reading a recipe book, would you? Well, maybe, initially, that can give you a sense of safety, but mostly us human beings feel confident, expressed and happiest, when our bodies know just what to do and how to do it. 

By becoming conscious of those underlying hidden beliefs and reactions, you can change your expression, without changing who you are as a person. 

Just imagine a life of living free from inhibitions, strengthened by personal values. 

How would you feel about yourself if your desired ventures matched your actual expression? 

Amanda is a metaphysical healer and sex educator who loves to loves to help introverted individuals be fulfilled in the bedroom and out in the world.


Craniosacral Therapy For Sexual Trauma

Many people who inquire about CranioSacral Therapy, assume it is some kind of head massage, while in actual fact this modality reaches far beyond manipulating the physical body to a healing system that touches the soul. Emotional healing that results from this gentle, non-invasive approach can be more profound than what is imaginable. 

CranioSacral Therapy is a light-touch manual therapy technique that helps to restore the unobstructed flow of cerebrospinal fluid between the head and sacrum. Your sacrum is the bone at the center of your pelvis, central to all that important hip movement. 

When the movement of the sacrum is restricted, so is the movement of the hips, and we all know what that means for healthy sensual expression. 

We need our hips to be loose and sexy in order to express ourselves sensually and we need to express ourselves sensually, because it puts us in touch with what it feels like to be desirable and being desirable is kind of the same as being needed, having a purpose, and being validated, which are core human needs. 

When we have endured sexual trauma, it is common to have restrictions on the structures of the pelvis. Trauma can manifest as numbness, stiffness, tightness, pain, lack of mobility, and very often excess weight.

Where there is unresolved trauma there will be a lack of energetic flow in the body. There will be obstruction from one part to another. In facilitating healing, feeling and flow have to be restored in the affected area and this can be done without going into the story of how the injury happened. It is truly an encounter of deep somatic empathy.

Using CranioSacral Therapy, we can elicit where that obstruction is and gently guide the body to release. Receiving this work feels nurturing, validating, and liberating. 

Throughout the spine and at the sacrum, some cerebrospinal fluid gets transported to other systems, such as the lymphatic system, via the nervous system. While scientists are still discovering the exact mechanism for how cerebrospinal is absorbed through our bodies, we know that where the very, very subtle flow of CSF is not palpable, is where trapped energetic debris is locked in the body tissue. This is how a CranioSacral Therapist can accurately determine exactly where to work. 

In a world with so many mixed messages about who and what we are supposed to be; and with a rapidly changing social expectation of acceptable sexual expression it is natural to want to close off, hide or retreat. This is an invitation to do quite the opposite. 

We all have a little shame, guilt, fear, and trauma locked into privacy longing to be liberated through nurture, love, and support. 

Reach out and heal the most vulnerable parts of yourself to fulfill the most basic needs of being human, that of connection, acceptance, and belonging.

Much Love


Better Sex Through Mindfulness

The root chakra is at the base of our spine and can be impacted by physical, sexual shock and trauma, which is actually quite common. Apart from the energetic effects of a closed root center,  a closed-off pelvis can result in painful sex for women, premature ejaculation for men and/or erectile difficulty. 

On a metaphysical level, the root chakra is associated with our sense of safety and belonging. When we have beliefs around sex; that it is unsafe or wrong, or that it is transactional for protection, or for financial and emotional security, we can develop holding patterns in our bodies that manifests as sexual dysfunction. Statistically, some of the most common sexual challenges we experience, are lack of desire, lubrication difficulty, physical pain and discomfort.

Sexual pleasure, the one human gift that is independent of economic & social status, race, religion or age, can become an impossible goal. In some cases, it can even become a chore or cause of anxiety. Rather than enjoying sexual pleasure, we endure the moment, is dissociated from our bodies, praying that it will be over soon.

Luckily there is a way out of discomfort and into enjoyment through some simple exercises. 

By changing your beliefs about safety, boundaries, right and wrong, you can experience your body in a more free and loving way. By experiencing your body in a more open and accepting way, you can change your beliefs and expectation.

In a Sexual Sensations Awareness Exercise  from the book “Better sex through mindfulness” by Lori. A Brotto, PhD, Lori guides us through a series of mindfulness practices whilst in the state of arousal. To prepare for this practice, be sure that you won’t be disturbed. This is a solo practice, using sexual arousal as healing tool. It is important that you view it thus, as a sacred appointment with yourself.se a tool for sexual arousal, such as fantasy, a vibrator or erotic art. The purpose of this practice is to elicit  arousal, observe how it feels in an aroused state and to pair it up with a mindfulness exercise to know what it feels like when you pay attention.

2. Lie on your bed in a relaxed, open position. Observe your breathing and the sensations in your body, and perhaps the sensations of your heart, such as the speed and the intensity of it.

3. Now focus the sensations on your facial expression, muscles and sensations in your face and then move your attention down your body, past your chest, your breasts and belly. Down to your pelvic area. You may wish to tune in to sensations in your genitals.

4. Allow your focus of attention to rest gently on the entire region of the vulva and vagina. Notice the individual sensations in this area of the body, as each emerges, lingers and fades away.

Try to become aware of how your genitals feel moment to moment, without judgement.

5. As you pay attention to these sensations in various areas, pay attention to notice whether you are experiencing them as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Do you like the sensations and want to keep your attention focussed on them, or do you dislike them and want to push those sensations away. Simply take note of what that urge feels like and continue to observe the sensations in your body without touching your body.

6. Once again expand your awareness to the whole body and feel the rush of excitement, tingling or warmth right through your body. When you are ready. Open your eyes.