I just want to be free! I just want to have my own life experience! I just want to be who I am!
Sounds familiar? I have been playing those tapes in my head over and over again, yet, after years of repeating it to myself, I still find myself feeling restricted to just be myself.
If there hasn’t been some restricting life circumstance, there has been a controlling lover. At times I was simply not the right gender for what I wished to accomplish, at other times I had not been in the right country, I didn’t have enough time, I didn’t have the motivation, or I didn’t have enough money to accomplish what I wanted and express myself the true way I am.
Years went by, circumstances changed, I changed, yet central to all of that, my desire to be who I truly am stayed.
In life we have this thing called free will. We have the opportunity to have a bunch of options and choose from it, right? Well, no, not quite like that. Deep to our so called “free will,” is our unconscious conditioning. You may think you choose from your own free will, but how is it that the choices you make from your free will lead you into circumstances you do not wish to be in?
So, even though consciously I really wish to choose a life of free expression of who I am, the unconscious part of my brain have been running thoughts which created the feelings that made me choose limiting life situations.
I noticed this unconscious patterning is based on fear. Understanding the full extend of my desire to not be restricted suddenly felt like a big responsibility and a scary place.
Marianne Williamson says: ““Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Ask yourself the question. Would you rather have anyone else’s life experience but your own? Are you sure? Are you 100%, perfectly happy with your life?
If you find any resistance to any part of this this question, as I did, become aware of the sensation in your body. You will usually observe it within the your body’s trunk. Start a dialogue and even become the sensation in your body to get an authentic response. Then, ask yourself (as the body sensation) what it is you need. In my case I became a blade with a programmed message of “you don’t deserve.” It asked to be taken out, and put in the sun to soak up goodness, after which it had the desire to inform the person who put it there that it has fulfilled its time of being there.
Using my imagination, I fulfilled all the desires of the blade. My body felt warm at the area involved.
Perhaps I am one step closer to co-creating with my unconscious. I hope you too. Have fun with it! I did …
and feel free to make contact with me to receive more guidance and resources on the dialoguing process.
Much love
 

I often hear people refer to a chosen activity as meditation. “Dancing meditation,” “walking meditation,” “playing-with-the-children meditation,” kayaking meditation,” ad so on.
I agree with the idea that something can absorb your attention so much, that you become engrossed with it, hence leading to a meditative state. I also agree with the idea that a relaxing activity, practiced continually can lead to a meditative state, but the kind of meditation I am referring to today, is the kind where you sit still, watch your breath and observe your thoughts, or even the kind where you observe the sensations on your body in orderly fashion, while being aware of your thoughts.
Since the topic of this discussion includes the words “managing anxiety,” it may seem logical to many, to think of one of the active techniques mentioned as effective tool. Physical and fun activities are definitely great tools for managing anxiety, however, incorporating a mental tool that will slowly slowly completely rid yourself of the habit to create tension in the form of anxiety, may be an even smarter way to go about investing in your long term happiness. If you are at all curious how to come to grips with this tricky habit, please read further.
Now, while focusing on nothing but your breath, you will notice that sometimes, your breathing becomes, fast, shallow, short, or deep.  You may notice that every time your breathing fasten, a thought had been present in your mind. It may be a memory, it may be a reminder of something you have to do, it my be a moment of worry of how to accomplish a goal, it may be a projection of a person or event you are scared of.  When these thoughts come, it is easy to get drawn into them, and expand on the story they represent. It is also at these moments that we realize that our breathing has changed. In order to entertain the thought that has surfaced the breathing usually deepens and fastens a little to provide more oxygen to the thought producing brain.
What a nice tool of awareness to neutralize our thoughts and allow for the breath to become soft and calm again.
This may seem like a pointless and tedious task until you try it, in practice for yourself, and find the alchemy in the process.
Compare your mind to siting at a customer service desk. Every disturbance which comes, get dealt with a smile before waiting for the next thought to handle. When too many thoughts are there at once, it can take you out of your flow. You may want to go to a back room escaping, distracting yourself, while  the thoughts line up and wait their turn. However if you stay and confront each customer, each thought one at a time, others may decide they don’t really need your attention, they may get impatient and simply leave. Once in a while an angry or disruptive customer may show up and it will be your task to have them leave peacefully with your calm smile and assurance. It is after all the client who is disruptive, it has nothing to do with you. Your task is to keep a pleasant atmosphere in the work place, and so it is easy to get rid of the disruptive client and then carry on working as if nothing happened.
So, how does one deal so effectively with a disturbing thought? The key word is acceptance. Acknowledgement, acceptance and confidence are the steps I break the process up into.
Say, for example, you remember this issue you are unsure about, this decision you have to make which answer to you don’t yet know. Your first reaction is to get frightened at being reminded about that again, then because your mind is calm you have the power to accept that this issue is there, yet you are bigger than the issue and you accept that it is there, as it is… in this case, unresolved.
When you breathe in again, it is with enthusiasm that you direct positive energy to the situation. It is ok for it to be there, just as it is. Your whole body relaxes further, and you are also aware of the fact that if you keep on dealing with this situation in such a positive manner, it can only have a positive outcome. You feel more confident and aware of what is on your mind.
It is true, that you may feel as if you are developing a dare-devil attitude towards the unknown. You may even feel irresponsible for not stressing out over things you have no control over anyway.
By doing this practice, you  won’t be surprised by some thought you have been trying to push down, hide or not deal with. Chances of being woken up at night because of anxious thoughts become less and less, and as whole you will feel more confident and in control of your life.
After all, who wouldn’t like to have a peaceful life?
 

Overwhelm. We all experience feeling overwhelmed at some stage or another. The reason this feeling arises in the first place, is most likely, from the desire to accomplish, to produce, or to deliver.
When demands have been put on us, either by our own minds, or those of others, it can sometimes be hard to know where to start, what to focus on and even where we are going with it.
Creating goals and accomplishing them does give a whole lot of satisfaction, confidence and esteem, but when we feel like things are spinning out of control, it is time to take a step back. Being “stuck” is never going bring positive results. So what can we do to get out of that mode?
1. Stop, breathe and feel.
Stop yourself running from one distraction to another trying to “figure it out” while you’re aimlessly doing one thing after the other, frowning, sighing and driving yourself nuts. Admit that you are feeling overwhelmed. That should cause a natural release in your breathing.
Now, notice how contracted your abdomen has become. Breathe into your abdomen like a mini internal massage and notice the frown on your face being replaced by a little smile. You are on your way to transforming overwhelm to inspiration.
2. Write a list of all the things on your mind.
That’s right, let it out. Every single thing that you are currently holding onto in your mind, write it down. Put on paper everything you have to do, to remember, or to think about. Scribble out the titles of what you are thinking about, what may be bothering you, pending matters you are working on, and things you’d like to work on when once again you have time. Moving the content from your mind to a visible form creates objectivity. From this viewpoint it is much easier to sift and sort and prioritize the importance of each entry.
3. Cross out what’s completed.
Often by simply writing something down we realize that we no longer need that thought. This lightens the load a lot. With the remaining items it should be easy to see what is important right now and what is not. You can even rank and prioritize the items on your list to give you a greater sense of progress.
4. Realize that you are in control.
You have the choice to decide how to approach the items on your list. That means you are 100% in control of your actions, and not the other way round. If you do not feel in control at this stage, there may be unconscious fears trying to convince you of something that is not. You may want to ask yourself if really you have to do something you really don’t want to. What will happen if you don’t? What are your motivations for fulfilling certain demand, or if it simply seem to big of a task, make a second list breaking it up into smaller steps.
5. Accept your limitation.
The demands put on you can only be handled one at a time and you can only do your best. You may find that the  knot in your stomach was caused by really not wanting to disappoint someone, or by wanting to prove your own worth to yourself.
Remember, healthy goals have a healthy motivation and working on these, even in the midst of struggle with it makes you feel good at some level. Doing your best with what you are capable of doing at anytime, is all you can really do. Confidence sprouts not from merely succeeding or not, it develops from the quality of attention and dedication you bring to whatever you are doing.
So if you have to delegate, do so. If you have to disappoint, do so. If you have to postpone, do so.
6. Be Inspired.
If a moment ago you felt lost, stuck and overwhelmed, and you completed the steps above, you have clearly proven to yourself that you can get out of it with no problem. This in itself is a pretty big accomplishment. Congratulations!
Perhaps you didn’t need steep 2-5, and by breathing into your belly the expansion of relaxation sparked a sense of inspiration naturally.
7. Choose your platform.
When you open your mouth and breathe out at the same time, it produces sound. From this sound a song may emerge, a composition, or prayer or masterpiece.
When you write a word a sentence may follow, perhaps through rhyme a poem may grow. The first paragraph of your life story, the remembrance of a vision, the business plan or daily schedule, the long awaited spring cleaning, or perhaps a silent rest are all possibilities through which inspiration may manifest. Simply direct your attention to the platform suitable to your situation.
8. Be open to uncertainty.
You are now ready to let creativity flow through you like never before. The times when we work with most precision and focus are the times we are inspired and this creative flow cannot flourish without the courage of embracing the unknown. Take a chance and see what comes out of it.
 
 

Somatic refers to the felt sense of the body. Empathy means to feel the experience of another.
Somatic empathy, is to feel in your body what another may be experiencing at physical level. However, there are a few catches to it. Not everything we experience surfaces at mental level.
You may be in the company of someone who seem like they’ve been having three cups of coffee before your meeting with them. You may feel your heart rate increasing, hear yourself speak much faster than you are used to, and after a few minutes feel completely exhausted. You may even start panicking, since this is not a comfortable way for you to be. By the time you leave the meeting you wonder what had just hit you, since just a short while by yourself seem to have been enough to get you back to normal speed. Upon reflection you wonder how that person you met manages, and whether they are in this anxious state all the time. You may even feel sorry for, or judge them.
Yet, person B felt nothing of anxiety. To person B this high paced way of being is normal and exhilarating. Person B flourishes in this high paced state.
Wait. Please explain what is going on here. Somatic empathy is the physical experience of another, and one would expect also emotional, yet why are the experiences so different at mental level? Don’t our emotions also create our physical environment? Is every book about self-healing and the law of attraction wrong?
Thoughts do create emotion and it is after all how we think about a certain action, or reaction, that creates our emotional environments connected to it. How we think is determined by our level of awareness. Of course the greater awareness, the greater the challenge to be ok with everything and thus develop maturity and wisdom.
My thoughts about this is as follow. If you have the unresolved emotions about a particular way of being within yourself, picking up on another’s unconscious patterns  will be a desturbing occurrence. However, if you have fully processed your stance towards a particular feeling or reaction, you will go smoothly through the meeting.
Yet I say: “unconscious patterns.” Yes, I do believe that this is what somatic empathy is about. When you are close to someone who has been hurt, deeply hurt, you can feel it. I am talking about that pain that sits in your heart from heartbreak or deep sadness. However if this deeply hurt person starts expressing their hurt in a way that shows ownership, that shows understanding and acknowledgement for their pain, it is as if the weight of the feeling is lifted. You may still feel the sensation on your chest, but their is no emotional responsibility on your part.
In the case of being in the company of someone being hurt in the same way, yet putting up a facade of happiness, of being ok, and seemingly doing fine, that weight sits on you.
This is what I mean with somatic empathy as picking up on the unconscious, unexpressed patterns of another. In  a therapeutic environment you may well take initiative to express what you as somatic empath is feeling, yet in a social environment this is mostly inappropriate and unwelcome. It is like we are all living from one big pool of emotions and feelings, all waiting to be claimed and acknowledged by whoever is willing or available to do so.
We are all one. We cannot hide or isolate ourselves. Our feelings are those of others and others share our feelings. This is the ubuntu principle of life. I am because you are. May we all grow to healthier, more wholesome, aware and happier people.
 

Have you heard this phrase: “All the answers are within?”
I have to say, in one way I get it, but when I look at it another way I want to argue that no man is an island and aren’t we supposed to collectively partake in this thing called life? If it is as simple as having all the answers are within, then how is it, that helping professions are so widely needed?
The resistance to this statement reminded me of the times I made some really determined changes in my life. In fact by looking within, and within only, the toxic relationship I was in transformed into a agreeable healthy relationship. People asked me how I did it, and I had to answer that I simply looked at my own projections by visiting my childhood and discovering the needs I had that was not met. By meeting those needs inside, the need to get it form my partner lessened considerably. As human beings we are evolving and we grow through challenges.
So my challenge was this: “How long will I have to focus on, do my manifestations, and lessen my needs before I will actually attract that partner that can facilitate hearing me, listening to me and understanding me?” Then it came! No, not the partner, the insight that what I had to do was to let myself be heard, let myself be listened to and let myself be understood.
As I’m writing this the image of a big,  loud boarding school matron appears in my mind’s eye, perhaps someone like in the musical, Oliver Twist. “Never before has a boy wanted more,” a quote referring to his act of courage to ask for more food upon acknowledging the need of his hungry belly. What are your unconscious beliefs about letting yourself be heard?
Yes it is really all an inside job. All the answers are really within. When you let yourself be quiet and give yourself permission and set the strong intention to let yourself be heard, to let your needs matter and to give yourself the tenderness you long for, what are the results?
 

This weekend I went to an holistic fair, a gathering where there is lots of talk about all matters related to the metaphysical. Amongst these topics, naturally that of manifesting your dreams, and the purpose of life was a favorite.
If I remember correctly, I heard someone say that the purpose of life is to overcome fear. It might have been during the talk by Charles Virtue that once again the issue was raised about how we as human beings are more easily drawn to identifying, focusing and manifesting our fears, as apposed to our wishes and desires. This was nothing new to me, and I guess, also not for you.
The belief that humans gravitate towards fear sounded like a concept that could be further explored and understood. Have you ever asked yourself why is it that we are so full of fear? What is the purpose of fear? Why do we attract it and Why does it seem to be so mysterious?
Just about every book, talk, and guidance I’ve heard on the topic of manifesting your desires talks about the element of acting on your ideas. It is taught that we are often times cut off from our divine guidance, yet every once in a while, a brilliant idea comes through and that is the time we should grab a book and pen, and follow the momentum until our creative genius produced. If really you did not have any fear blocking you, you’d simply trust this idea, and go with it.
Well, consider this. If really you tune in to divine guidance, your inner self, your higher self, what you will find is not just one idea. What you will find is every possible creative idea that can be channeled through you.
When you connect with that which you are part of, you have access to all the creativity your mind can conceive. To grab a pen and paper and jump on it is not only unrealistic, but also overwhelming and contradictory to our human survival, which often requires us to do one thing at a time. (You cannot swallow and breathe at the same time, for example. Two of the most primary needs for human existence.)
Now, would you agree with the statement that to start the process of expressing a creative idea or project is to take accountability for its successful outcome? Success in the sense of bringing a thought or idea to expression to tangible, visible or audible form.
It is thus the accountability that we fear. It is our own creative ability that we fear. It is indeed our own success that we fear, as so often quoted from Marianne Williamson’s book,  ‘Return to Love:’  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
It is not our limitation which imprisons us, but our abundance to choose from. Taking just one apple from a tree of many, or rather, one apple at a time is what keeps us from taking an apple at all, creating distance between ourselves and the happiness and abundance that we are part of.
It is helpful to know, that not every spark channeling though you or me is necessary to be expressed. It is helpful to know that neither you or me have to be accountable for every thought or idea that runs through us, yet once in a while, we can pick an apple, an idea, an expression to bring into form. This is not us eating from the tree of good and bad, but being part of it, engaging in the life that we are given, that runs through us, that we are part of.
May you express your creative ideas and find identity and purpose.
With love.

I do like astrology and admittedly I use it quite regularly, albeit mostly for entertainment and validation. Important decisions in my life I make from my feelings, my felt sense and intuition. One observation I have made about astrology though, is the finality it is delivered by.
From reading several monthly full moon reports, written by different astrologers, it seems that one does not need to know much about the topic to predict what the next one will say: “Out with the old, in with the new.” It seems that at every full moon we are suggested to “finally” let go of those relationships that no-longer serves us. It is suggested that we finally let go of those ideas, thoughts, beliefs, habits, and people toxic to our existence.
In a recent reading, it was suggested that this is the month I decide what my life purpose is, and just a few days later I would know for sure if I’m meant to be in the relationship I am getting aquatinted with.
These are life questions we all think about, a lot.  These are themes which come and go, and gets evaluated through our own precious experiences, our life lessons of based on agreeable and non-agreeable feelings. It takes time to build relationships, to move through the ups and downs and sometimes months and years altogether, before knowing that it is time to move on.
A great deal of our beliefs stem from childhood. We’ve been carrying them with us for most of our lives, and most likely even longer. Most habits, ideas and people in our lives are there based around our beliefs. The idea to just let go of them from one month to the next seems slightly uninformed.
The concept of astrology is based on the principles of the continual moving of planets, and celestial bodies,  each with their own characteristics and relative positional influences. The fact that this study has been going on for more or less as far back as humans can remember, should most likely be a reminder of both the impermanence and continuation of existence.
So, if you didn’t meet your soul mate this month, even though the planetary alignment was perfect for it, if you did not find your soul purpose and  life calling, and if you did not leave the job, relationship, habits or beliefs you’ve been trying to get out of, don’t fret. When cycles come to natural point of maturity, as all things in nature do, then it will shift into that conclusion and transformation you have been waiting for.

“Gluten free” is the new mark to look our for in grocery shopping. Some people argue that the quality of wheat has been compromised due to years and years of fertilizers and chemicals drained into the land on which our grains grow. Some people blame the over-processing of the grains to result in high levels of sugar, and for others still gluten sensitivity my be due to overconsumption. Gluten allergy is al around us and many people are suffering consequences of gas, indigestion, heaviness, skin rashes and other types of reaction from eating their favorite lunch sandwich.

 
What does it mean to live authentically? Lately this is a popular term in conscious communities, where a strong emphases lies in discovering, committing to, and living one’s truth. I suppose this implies living free from dogma or beliefs you have not examined for yourself. It is remarkable, however, that people flock to seminars and self-help book stores to “discover their authentic selves” as advertised on book covers and workshop banners. Even though the whole concept implies personalizing your ideas, thoughts and beliefs, the answer is thought to be found in another by these movement followers. With that said, I do highly value the creative input of another, the inspiration that sparks the light within oneself, or at least the encouragement to look inside.
When I think about this concept of living authentically, I notice the pressure that exists to achieve this goal, as if one day, when I achieve it, I will be rewarded with happiness. In my search for this authenticity I have to keep on revealing my freedom, showing to others my courage to be spontaneous, unedited, so to speak. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. Living authentically does no exist in the future. It cannot be achieved. It is really nothing other than being present, being in the now. Living authentically does not exist outside of you or me, yet this is where the tricky part comes in, at least for me. Consider this: When my thoughts change, my behavior does too and naturally so does the response I get from other people. When I have thought and behaved in a certain way for a certain amount of time, people may have gotten used to these behaviors and even may have formed a picture of who I am. At the same time I may have gotten used to their reactions towards my behaviors. This domino effect may have caused a whole series of predictable circumstance and events and now I feel stuck. Haven’t you too had this sensation whereby you wished you stopped the direction of something in your life, a relationship, a job, a place of residence, before you got so used to it – before everyone involved got so use to it?
Your familiarity to the reactions for that around you has got you stuck in place of dissatisfaction, call it addiction if you like, for it is only your dependency on the same old same old that has you here. Different beliefs, behaviors and decisions is bound to create unknown responses and the idea of it scares you.
Sitting in silence this morning I scanned through the circumstance surrounding me, that which I call life right now. Together with the pride for what I have accomplished, how far I have made it and the familiarity and ease of it, the monkey mind in me made its appearance posing the question: “What if you can start all over?” “Who would you be, if your surrounds, your job, your partner ect. do not define you?” Then I realized that it is not too late. I can start over right here, right now. I can start afresh, by simply getting out of my mind, by experiencing my body as if new energy moves through it, clearing away all that was, leaving behind lightness. Whenever the mind engages with the experience, it can simply be reminded that this is all new – everything. Every breath is new, every experience is new and I have the opportunity to get to know the person experiencing.
Much Love